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I know when reading this title, you likely suppose that I have simply misspelled the title. However, that is not the case. To use or expend carelessly, extravagantly, or to no purpose, that's one simple definition of waste.
Do you ever take a really good look at the way you are spending your life and ask yourself if you are making the most of it? If you are "spending" it wisely. This is something I feel like I have done a poor job of in my life--at least until a couple of years ago. That is when things started to change for me.
What spurred on the change? A conversation with a friend. She had lost a lot of weight and just looked generally more energetic and seemed to be in good spirits, so it had peaked my interest. Of course, with a little prodding I found out that she had been using the help of a nutrition coach through an app. She had been monitoring her calorie intake and making better, healthier, food choices.
At that point in my life, I had been going "downhill", for a while. I believe I had postpartum depression (though was not aware of it at the time--I better recognize that now). I also had been slowly slipping into a cycle of drinking regularly. Between the weight of motherhood, being a wife, and all that life entails, I had become overwhelmed--to such an extent, that, what had been simple social drinking, was becoming a pretty regular nightly coping mechanism. A way of, sort of,"rewarding myself" for having made it through all of the day's tasks.
I believe somewhere deep inside of myself, I was recognizing the fact that, the path I was on, wasn't going to be good for myself, or anyone alongside me. The conversation with that friend might have been the turning point for me. Which reminds me, I need to call and thank her for this, because I'm not even sure she truly knows that her decision to change, helped spur on mine.
Fast forward to the months following that conversation. It was a very difficult road at first. Especially since I wasn't exactly proclaiming myself a recovering alcoholic and going to AA meetings. I was still trying to trudge through the seemingly mundane tasks of each day, feeling overwhelmed and under-fulfilled and at the end of the day, not being able to drown myself in the numbness provided by the alcohol.
I started moving away from it slowly. I went from maybe 2-4 beer a night down to 2, down to 1--baby steps. Until, eventually, I felt confident I could do without--maybe just a sparkling water to fill the nightly "beer gap".
As you might expect, there were slip-ups in the beginning. It would be especially difficult at times when I would gather with friends. These situations were normal for me to be nursing drinks all night. But in time, my friends understood what I was doing and why I was doing it and they supported me. Also, just becoming used to being sober with others became a little easier each time. I had always used alcohol as a social buffer of sorts. I guess I had always just been a little bit timid around people. Felt a little bit awkward. Hated how loud the silence was when conversation lulled, because the negative thoughts I was hearing, felt so real--as if the people in my presence were saying them aloud to me. But, that is a story for another day.
Time and intentional action is what moved me away from drinking. Exercise also became a more regular regimen in my day. I knew I needed to incorporate some type of structure to my day. Something to look forward to or expect. Also, I knew what a good endorphin booster that exercise could be, and since I was beginning to realize I may be in a depressive state of some sort, I knew it couldn't hurt.
With each new day, I sought to better myself in some way. Just taking very tiny steps--small things, like replacing chips, with some wasabi peas and carrots, or instead of picking my phone up to check social media, I began to grab a self-help book. Those little things began to add up. They became easier every day, and even felt less like a task and more like a privilege and a joy.
I think before, I had a consumer mindset. I was always setting out to see what I could get out of the day, and whenever I found myself lacking at the end, because the day hadn't shown up for me and showered me with it's blessings, I would just drown myself in sorrow at the end of it. This is hard for me to admit, but sadly, I feel like it's my honest evaluation of it. I'm not sure at what point in my life, that had become the point or the mark that I set out to hit, but it had. I can't tell you how many times I stated out loud, "If I can just get through this day...". My mindset was pretty backwards. If my purpose was to simply get through the day, that is really no purpose at all. Therefore, it was waste.
Jordan Peterson, in his book 12 Rules for Life, states, "We fail, or sin, when we do not (as the word sin means to miss the mark.) We cannot navigate, without something to aim at and, while we are in this world, we must always navigate." Getting to the end of the day, is not a mark. No more than having a paycheck in hand at the end of the week is. Because, before you know it, that money will be spent--a new day will simply present itself...etc. I think to truly find something to aim at, you have to start looking at your life with an honest set of eyes, and then be prepared to hear the truth, even when it's not easy--even if changing it is going to be hard, or uncomfortable. Another thing that Jordan touches on in the book. He states,"Called upon properly, the internal critic will suggest something to set in order, which you could set in order, which you would set in order--voluntarily, without resentment, even with pleasure. Ask yourself: is there one thing that exists in disarray in your life or your situation that you could, and would, set straight?"
I read this book ages ago, and it has sat collecting dust on the shelf since. I remember loving it when I read it previously, but not having applied any of the principles to my life, I feel it had done no good. I find it funny now, as I have picked it back up recently and am re-reading it, how that so many of the things written are things that I now have learned. I guess I had my own way of getting around to it. If only I had've applied them a little sooner I might have been a little better off, a little further along. However, I also think to some degree that life just sort of primed me to resolve myself, even if the timing seems latent.
I do hope that if you have read through this entire blog that you have found encouragement within it. I want nothing more than to share my joy with you. I do hope that you will begin to ask yourself about how that you are using your time. Maybe also begin to sit in your feelings a bit. If you feel unhappy, just rest within the unhappiness for a time, because if you become aware of the feeling, you might also be able to trace back to what triggered it. Perhaps, it's the pile of mail/papers that have been collecting on your kitchen counter (yes, i'm speaking from experience). Can you do something to alleviate your unhappiness over it? Yes! Take action. Even if it's just 5 minutes a day for the next week. You could remove that pile from your counter.
Keep looking in, keep reaching out, and keep moving on. You got this!
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